Lonely Girl
by DarkJadedRose
Summary: Jean thinks about the points of perfection that cause her imperfections. And unknowingly reveals the reason why she eventually becomes the Pheonix. SongFic


**_Hey everyone. I don't own anything. The song lonely Girl is owned by Pink._**

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Jean walked into her room and pulled her long, red hair into a ponytail; another day of soccer practice, passing the math test and being loved by the people at school while not really loved by the people who she wanted. She sat at her desk and pulled out her homework; what else did she have to do? Everyone would be downstairs goofing off and having fun whiles she was, as usual, uninvited.

She spent most of her days hanging out with Duncan and his friends due to her lack of companionship. Scott was a good friend but he allowed his feelings to overtake her need for company. All she wanted was someone to talk to and hang out with but no one seemed to understand that…

_I can remember the very first time I cried  
How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside  
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past  
Didn't even take the time to realize_

She had grown up in a good home. Her parents loved her and cared about her, regardless of her mutation. She had always been the pride and joy of them at home. Her grades always stupendous and her athletic abilities shocking but it meant nothing. A tear fell on the blank sheet of paper and she immediately wiped her eyes.

Why didn't anyone believe that she really cared? She had been so excited to get Kitty into the institute. She finally had a friend to sleep over with and talk to but then Kurt and Rogue had come along and Kitty preferred to hang out with the younger crowd. Scott had still been her friend but she didn't want him to think that there might have been more and she started to separate herself a little…for what? Then he started to talk to Rogue and that was when she freaked out…her only friend started to fade away.

_Starin' at the cracks in the walls  
Cuz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end  
Still I curl up right under the bed  
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again_

She opened the last drawer and pulled out a prescription drug from her physician, Tylenol with codeine. Her head ached from all of the thoughts and images she couldn't seem to control. Her self-esteem was fragile; she didn't believe that she would ever be able to control her mutation. She wasn't strong enough.

Scott was a wonderful leader, he always brought them through. When she tried to take the lead she seemed bossy and controlling. That hadn't been her intention, she just wanted to help, and she just wanted to be somebody. She stared at the clock as it slowly ticked by and hoped that the evening would come soon so she could go to bed.

_Do you even know who you are?  
I guess I'm tryin' to find  
A borrowed dream or a superstar?  
I want to be a star  
Is life good to you or is it bad?  
I can't tell anymore  
Do you even know what you have?_

The evening came and she just stared up at the ceiling…couldn't sleep again. She left the room in her pajamas and made her way downstairs. There Logan sat in front of the television. She heard him sniff about and realizing it was her continued to watch the TV. It wouldn't be the first time she suffered from her insomnia. She pulled out a glass and poured some orange juice before opening the glass doors and sitting on the porch swing.

The breeze felt good about her skin. She wondered about Rogue and how she couldn't touch…could Rogue be the lucky one? She had an excuse to close herself off…she had no family, no ability to touch and had a reason to be sad. No one thought about Jean that way. They all figured that she had an awesome life…but life wasn't about a good home, or about being able to kick a goal…it was about being loved, about having friends…people who really cared about you for you and she didn't have that.

_Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight  
How the birds will sing as I count the rings  
around my eyes  
Constantly pushing the world I know aside  
I don't even feel the pain, I don't even want to  
try_

Jean started to cry heavily as the sun came up; the beautiful colors reminding her of how unbeautiful her life was. Everyday she had to hear people think about how much they hated her and how annoying she was. She had to hear the teen's mimic her way of thinking. She tried to be normal, she tried to be one of the guys but what was the point? They didn't care! She had a perfect life.

She stood up and went inside, noticing her puffy eyes in the microwave. She washed her face in the sink just incase she met anyone while going up the stairs. She then went to take a shower in order to get ready for the Danger Room session. She walked out and met Rogue at the door. Jean smiled at her and Rogue cocked a brow and gave her a curt good morning. Fake as usual…according to Rogue. Scott on the other hand gave her a warm hug.

"Early bird catches the worm, huh?" he said and proceeded to kiss her on the cheek. Jean smiled and went to her room to finish changing before going downstairs. She looked in the mirror and shook her hair. It fell gracefully down her back. She just wanted to be one of the guys…part of the team…

_I'm lookin' for a way to become  
The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen  
Oh, nothin' is ever enough  
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem_

The session was as normal as it could be. She blocked and fought her way to the end; too determined and undisturbed to fail. She stood at the checkpoint, first as always while the other struggled to make their way across. She didn't help them…they would hate her for it and even if she did…hate her they will. She was good at what she did. She beat every obstacle in her way. But it didn't matter.

Jean felt as if she was wandering in a never ending desert of pain and destruction. She was hurt and saddened by her loneliness. This loneliness consumed her and she wondered if one day she would just not be. Would she consume herself by the painful fire that surrounded her and licked her day after day? And if she did die…would she rise from her ashes? Would anyone care if she did?

_Do you even know who you are?  
I'm still tryin' to find  
A borrowed dream or a superstar?  
Everybody wants to be  
Is life good to you or is it bad?  
I can't tell anymore  
Do you even know what you have?  
No_

**Jean…**

_Do you even know what you are?  
A rising dream or a fallen star?  
Is life good to you or is it bad?_


End file.
